Took two days of vacation from work. I wished it was really a vacation (God knows how much i needed that) but it was really a time to be with my son. He had a surgery. It's only a minor surgery. It's weird having to say minor, for every mother, a surgery is a surgery and it's something to get anxious about. My son is 14 years old and he's had 5 surgeries in his lifetime. Two of them major and three minor. The two major surgery was done back home and since we arrived here in Canada he's had 3 minor surgeries. And the most recent is not the last. He'll have to go through some more (major ones) in the future.
Sometimes, mostly when I'm feeling weak and weary, I've hated myself for whatever my son's going through. I blame myself for all the pain he has to go through and each time i have to say sorry and ask forgiveness. When I'm feeling stronger i would convince myself that God has chosen me to take care of this angel and that He trusts that i will provide what he needs. Most of the time I show him courage and not tears. If i can't be strong in front of him, then he can't be strong himself for whatever the future holds for him. I told him that this is what God wants us to do and that we should have faith.
If you ask him about all these surgeries happening around him, he'll just shrug. He will say he's used to it and it's better than having a disease that cannot be cured.
For me ... i pray that all these surgeries be finished. It's not easy having to go through each one, minor or major. I don't think my heart can endure more.
But then again ... a mother's heart can bear the heaviest burden of all.
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