The thing about friends.....

My title looks like I have all the hang-ups in the world about friends. I guess experiences have altered my perception of what friends are. I’m an introvert early in life. I would be by myself and not reach out even if it means life and death. I remember being lost one time when I was 11 years old and I just wandered around and not have the guts to ask for direction or help. At school, I will not be the first to go near somebody and ask if he/she can be my friend. Its always the other way around. I have gained my friend because they came to me. And when that happens, I am always worried because I don’t exactly know how to be friends. But I appreciate the friendship and I do my best to keep them.

But I really must have been bad at it because somehow, the friends I managed to get are the ones that hurt me the most.

The friend that I thought is the best. The one that I married and had children with. Has chosen to stray…not once, not twice…

Then there’s this friend that we met at work. Really nice to hang out with, really one of the gang. Then one day I found, as my husband confessed. There is something going on between her and him.

Then there’s another friend… a friend I thought I could trust. I even made her Godmother to my child. Run away one day with the hubby to Ottawa.

You see…I’m running out of friends. I’d like to have more but now I am not quite sure. I think I don’t know how choose friends…afraid that friends will only hurt me sooner or later. Afraid that if I get any closer to them they will hurt me in so many ways.

But who can live alone? I surely couldn’t, that I could not deny. With all the traumas I had, I’m still hoping that a true friend is out there and I should help her/him to find me. And with whatever friends I still have left, I am very thankful. If I get paranoid at times, I hope they understand.

You know, the thing about friends?…. is just that. All in all I have no hang-ups about it…NOT!!! :)